Buy and Download Homm3: Complete Ed. from GOG!

What a way to die in video game - Episode one

Wednesday, 2 November 2011

There have been as many brutal ways of dying in video games as there have been awkward and frustrating ways. Now it's time to look back and bring some memories up. Both scoring a death and scoring a kill counts. Prepare for insanity (and stupidity)!

Fallout 1 (PC) - Slaughtering The Overseer (Spoiler Warning!)

Fallout One and Two deaths were quite brutal and graphical at it's time. Shooting limbs and heads off and see bodies falling down with a blood flowing. At worst you could face enemy with much too good weapons to your current level and soon see yourself crawling on the floor without legs.

One of the most memorable moments was in Fallout 1. You are sent by your Vault's Overseer to unknown - post nuclear fallout Wasteland - to find a water chip. Once you finally find it and kill The Master who's taking over remains of human race (save the World too), you then return to Vault and tell Overseer good news handing over the Water Chip similarly. He thanks you by telling you cannot return to Vault anymore because you would be treated as a hero and admired of your adventures outside the Vault. People would follow your example and leave the Vault. So Overseer tells you "thanks - but you cannot return here anymore, get your hero ass back to he wastes..", that old bastard, so you take your gun and shoot whole lower body off the man.. brutal yet funny scene involves legless Overseer trying to crawl around legless leaking blood untill he dies - you turn back and disappear back to the Wasteland. What a way to die!

(Not image of the actual event)

X-Com Apocalypse (PC) - Getting brains sucked out

Oh those nasty brainsuckers in X-Com Apocalypse are pain in the ass especially in turn based combat mode. They can run damn long range per turn and totally surprise you. And what a nasty way to die. These alien creatures jump to your head and suck your X-Com agent's brain out through skull - then replace your original brain with sort of a alien organism making your agent total braindead shooting anything in range. Eventually this braindead agent with sucked out brain is forced to be shot down by his own fellow agents. Not a wannabe agent's wet dream!

(It's closing in! Shoot it for god sakes shoot!)

Shadowgate (NES) - Hundreds of awkward ways to die

Not one single way but big bunch of them. This puzzle game is just nervewrecking trial and error type of game. Almost anything imaginable at any room can kill you if you do it wrong. Try to walk near a hole and fall to it - try to cross a green slime and it melts you to death - try to approach a doorway and a dragon peeks out claiming your life with a fire breath. Better just not touch anything - at least you won't die. And that "death is near" music on dangerous situations just makes you sweat: "What did I do wrong now"?

(One and hundred ways to die in this game.. better not touch that candle either - you'll end up burning)

Sims 1 - 3 (PC) - Locking your neighbor inside house and setting up fire accident

Sometimes you get bored in Sims (be it 1, 2, or 3) and you don't like your neighbor much either. He stole your virtual girlfriend on that last night's party! Then you wonder what sick and entertaining can you do in Sims. So you invite your neighbor over - leave oven "accidentally" on and tell your neighbor that you're taking the trash out. Lock him in and let that chicken over cook in the oven! Little fire damage just do good for the house - you psycho. Instead of taking trash you take a long peaceful walk, and when you're back the fire has hopefully cooked your chicken and neighbor too. Sims pyromania - what a way to die!

(It was an "accident"!)

Bionic Commando (NES) - Killing Hitler

Don't know how so strictly against violence being Nintendo let this event in Bionic Commando past their eyes. This game's ending cut scene involves your final enemy Hitler himself - who's head you will shoot off and it explodes like a melon! What an ending to remember for a NES game.

(Brutal ending for a NES game indeed)

Carmageddon 1 - 2 (PC) - Bumper made out of spikes

These two games set the tone of brutality in driving games to another level. Carmageddon pretty much bring blood to driving games. You'd get more score the more peoples you drove over in row. Even cows! Poor cows.. and death scenes were bloody and brutal at the time. Driven over by 100mph with a bumper made out of spikes - What a way to die!

Shadow Warrior (PC) - Killing G*y bunnies with Katana

One of the weird things in Shadow Warrior - not only could you swing katana put you would be able to slice down a bunnies while they are having s*x. Brown bunnies were male and white female. At occasion you would see two brown ones humping each other like no tomorrow (and Lo Wang the main character sometimes screams "hey buddy you making mistake!" when seeing that). So basically you were able to pick your katana and slaughter those humping male bunnies with bloody scene. What other game lets you to kill lovemaking (g*y) bunnies with a katana?

Syndicate Wars (PC) - Crashing buildings over the crowds

Classic game with very Blade Runner'ish theme and feeling on it. This game was cool back when it was released 'cause you were able to bomb down whole buildings in 3D. It was cool trying to sneak unnoticed next to a building with people (hopefully enemies too) inside it, set a few bombs inside the building and then run off to watch. You'd then see whole building collapsing over anyone who was inside with big explosions. What a cool way of slaughter.

(It's coming down with style!)

Killer Instinct (SNES) - killed by Orchid's boobs

Now this is innovative way to die. One of the finish moves in Killer Instinct included Orchid to flash her gigantic boobs which would cause his enemy to die to excitement. Now that's the way I wanna go!

(This is Orchid - not the actual scene)

Mortal Kombat (SNES) - Decapitated by Sub Zero

Mortal Kombat had some very brutal finishing moves of which most famous is perhaps decapitation done by Sub Zero. Ripping of your enemies head after a long hard fight - what a supreme way to die!

Castlevania (NES) - Pushed into oblivion by the Medusa Heads

Now this was irritating way to die in Castlevania. Everyone ever played the game surely remembers the annoying flying "medusa heads" that with a touch pushed you backwards - sadly most often at a very place where there is nothing to stand on behind you - just a deep way to fall down into oblivion. Pushed down into oblivion by those annoying medusa heads - what an annoying way to die..

(These things made you throw your NES controller session after another.. stop pushing me over the edge!)

Might and Magic VI: Mandate of Heaven & VII: Blood And Honor (PC) - Turned to Stone by Medusa

Now if you didn't get enough medusa already then there's more to come. This actually didn't happen on many levels in the game but when it did it was annoying yet kinda cool way to go down. Imagine, whole party turned to stone one after another by those darn medusas 'till it's game over. If you were lucky some of your party would survive out without being stoned and the stoned ones could be cured at the temple. Getting whole party turn to stone - what a cool way to end adventure.

(Not the actual "getting stoned" scene)

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Turtles 1, NES) - Drowning while disarming bombs under water

This cursed level 2 underwater part was very hard. You were to disarm all bombs under water untill the timer runs out. Not only did you have time limit but there was electrical traps which would kill you if they hit you and even the touching the seaweed (Which was everywhere by the way) would kill you after few hits. Swimming controls were clumsy so you'd be sure to hit the seaweed or the traps sooner or later - and if you were lucky enough to survive the underwater maze almost to the end -- be sure to run out of time before the last bomb. The damned level just felt like taking forever, endless seaweeds of hell! Drowning under water while disarming bomb as one of Turtles characters - not to mention dying while touching sea weed - what a way to die!

(The timer + deadly sea weed + clumsy controls = total annoyance!!)

The Goonies II (NES) - one mean Yo-Yo

Last but not least at this episode - let us present The Goonies II's main weapon - yo-yo! In this game you play a kid who decides to go totally postal with his Yo-Yo killing bats, rats, mummies whatever it takes with a... Yo-Yo. Going postal with yo-yo - what a way to slaughter all of your enemies! Never seen that one before.

(Goonies II has proven that owning a yo-yo should most likely require a gun permit)

Do you have a death / kill scene of older game burned in your memory? If you do, feel free to entertain us and the other readers with your story!

1 comment:

  1. Sorry hun, no decapitation in the SNES version of Mortal Kombat.